Changes, and how to cope
Writer: Cecilia Cheng
Editor: Dory Huang
Change is arguably one of the only things that stays consistent throughout your life. It’s constantly happening; you’re always preparing for it, but at the end of the day, it will end up surprising you in ways that you never would’ve expected.
Often, change sends us spiraling. We go to extreme measures to try to gain back the control that we once had over our lives, and drive ourselves crazy trying to find the exact moment where everything had gone wrong. (Spoiler, you’re not gonna find it. We’ve all seen 500 Days of Summer.) We cry over old songs on the radio, and laugh at jokes that were once told by someone dear to us. Sometimes, the past shows up in vicious ways, like bad habits and ugly patterns. More often than not however, we carry pieces of our past in the way we move through our lives: forever shaped by everything and everyone we’ve ever cared about. Either way, for better or for worse it is there, far behind in the rearview, to shape you into the person you need to be to live out your future. The most important thing now is to focus on working on yourself, and living life intentionally to align with your goals for the future. Think: “ Where do I want myself to be in 5 years? Who do I want to be with, where do I want to be living, and what do I want to be doing?”
It’s shameful to admit that sometimes, I get so caught up in thinking about life before changes that I have a hard time focusing on the present. People love to say that nostalgia is one of the “deepest”, “most important” emotions, and while that is true in some ways, too much of anything is always bad for you.
It’s important to remember that no matter how much you miss the way something used to be, it’ll never be the same again, and there is no point in chasing something that is no longer real. I know that's definitely much easier said than done, so here are some ways that will hopefully help you get over your days of reminiscing about the “what was’, “what could’ve been’s”, and “what-ifs” of your life.
1. Arguably the most important out of this list!! If there’s anything you should actually take away from this article, it’s this one. Do it, for your own sake!
Delete the playlists. Delete the songs off your Spotify Likes, Apple Music likes, or whatever off wherever you like to stream music. It’s holding you back. You could be going about your day like a normal person when suddenly, some stupid song from that one phase in your life comes on and bam–, day ruined. You then probably go down a rabbit hole of going through every single one of your playlists (you know the ones) and end up making yourself mad, miserable, and nostalgic, all before your 9:30 class on a Tuesday. ( And if you’re intentionally going back to your musical time machines, why would you do that? You’re setting yourself up for failure. 🙂)
2. Lowkey just stop thinking about it. The past is in the past, so what can you do about it? According to this one great quote I saw on various platforms (pinterest, tiktok…etc), the only thing that is real is the Present. Everything else is in your imagination, meaning that it really doesn’t mean anything, because it’s not real. Why would you want yourself to be held back from your actual life, by figments of your imagination? It’s pretty dumb if you really try to think it through.
3. Try new things. Often, part of the reason why we look to the past for comfort is because we believe that we had the “best” of something at that point in our lives. We never know how good we have in the present, but we always realize it the next year and kick ourselves for not realizing it sooner. There’s probably a phenomenon for that, but I’m not really gonna get into the research-y part of this. The point is that if you don’t go out of your comfort zone and try different flavours of things, how could you possibly ever know if you’ve had the best of something yet? Sooner or later, you find yourself at a new stage in your life, with a new beginning. The moment you realize it will be like no other.
4. Practice Radical optimism! (It’s not for Hippies.) Although not everyone’s cup of tea, it’s a great way to help you see all of the silver linings in your life that you would normally brush past. This would help you so much with helping to focus on working on yourself and your future goals, instead of dwelling on things you can’t control from the past. Some ways to get yourself in the habit of always trying to see the glass half full are:
Quotes on the bathroom mirror (get inspo from Pinterest)
Journaling throughout the day, doing “silver linings”, “Roses and Thorns”
Regular exercise. Running releases endorphins and with the right kind of music, could be super fun and energizing
Happy music, by happy bands and happy people (ex. Florence and the Machine, The Temper Trap, ABBA, The Lumineers, Disney songs, etc)
Eating well and fueling your body with good stuff ,instead of Red 40.
Replacing your morning Starbucks/Celsius/Alani with tea.
That’s pretty much all I’ve got for now. I hope you get over whatever’s been bugging you from the past, and focus on the good things in your present life. Thanks for reading!